The Human Desire to Feel Valued: Bridging the Gap Between Validation and Appreciation
The Universal Craving for Value
Have you ever found yourself wondering why some days at work feel heavy, as if your contributions are invisible? Or why others light you up, leaving you energized and fulfilled? As the DEI chair at my workplace, this conversation came up in a recent meeting. A common theme emerged: people want to feel valued, but what does that really mean? Is it tied to validation, or is there something deeper at play?
In this blog, we’ll explore the complexities of feeling valued, why people often feel unappreciated or undermined, and how validation can play a role without overshadowing intrinsic appreciation. Let’s take this journey together and reflect on what truly makes us feel seen and valued.
Why Do We Feel Unvalued or Undermined?
Feeling unvalued often stems from unmet emotional or professional needs. Common triggers include:
- Lack of Recognition: When contributions go unnoticed or unacknowledged, it creates a sense of invisibility.
- Dismissive Behaviors: Interruptions, dismissive comments, or disregard for ideas can make people feel undermined.
- Misalignment of Effort and Outcome: When the hard work you pour into a task isn’t met with a proportionate response, it feels as though your effort doesn’t matter.
- Cultural or Structural Barriers: In workplaces where equity and inclusion aren’t prioritized, systemic issues can lead to feelings of marginalization.
Does any of this resonate with you? Take a moment to think about the last time you felt unappreciated. What was the context? Share your story below or reflect privately—your insights matter.
Validation: The Quick Fix or the Foundation?
Validation is a powerful tool. It’s the act of affirming someone’s feelings, achievements, or experiences. However, it’s often mistaken for the end goal, when it’s really just the beginning. Validation says, “I see you,” but it doesn’t always say, “I value you.”
Let’s look at some distinctions:
- Validation is external. It provides immediate reassurance but can sometimes feel fleeting if it’s not backed by deeper recognition.
- Appreciation is internal. It comes from understanding and valuing someone’s intrinsic worth, independent of specific achievements.
In our DEI meeting, some argued that feeling valued requires validation. And they’re not wrong—validation is an entry point. But without sustained appreciation, it can feel shallow or transactional.
How do you feel about validation in your own life? Is it enough, or do you crave something more lasting? Comment your thoughts—we’re all here to learn from each other.
Validation vs. Feeling Unvalued: Bridging the Emotional Gap
Have you ever craved a simple “good job” or a heartfelt acknowledgment at work, only to feel invisible instead? Feeling validated and valued are fundamental human needs, but the line between them often blurs. Let’s explore these concepts and why they matter in our personal and professional lives.
What Is Validation?
Validation is the act of acknowledging someone’s feelings, efforts, or experiences. It’s saying, “I see you. What you’re feeling or doing is real and important.” This recognition is often external, coming from peers, managers, or loved ones.
Examples of validation:
- A manager saying, “I appreciate the extra hours you put into this project.”
- A colleague agreeing with your perspective during a meeting.
- A friend empathizing with your struggles by saying, “That must have been so hard for you.”
Validation provides reassurance and affirms that your voice matters. But is it enough?
What Does It Mean to Feel Valued?
Feeling valued goes beyond momentary validation. It’s about a sustained sense of worth and belonging, where your contributions are not only acknowledged but appreciated in meaningful ways.
Key elements of feeling valued:
- Recognition: Regularly celebrating your efforts and achievements.
- Respect: Listening to your ideas and treating you as an equal.
- Investment: Offering opportunities for growth and showing that your presence is essential to the team or relationship.
When people feel valued, they’re more likely to stay motivated, engaged, and connected. Feeling unvalued, on the other hand, creates discontent, frustration, and even burnout.
The Emotional Impact of Feeling Unvalued
When validation is absent or superficial, people often feel:
- Invisible: As if their contributions don’t matter.
- Undermined: That their abilities or input are disregarded.
- Frustrated: A sense of giving more than they’re receiving.
In workplaces, this can manifest in:
- Higher turnover rates.
- Lower productivity and morale.
- Strained relationships between colleagues or teams.
On a personal level, it might lead to withdrawal, self-doubt, or resentment.
How Validation Can Bridge the Gap
Validation is often the starting point for making people feel valued. It acknowledges effort and emotion in real time, creating a foundation for deeper appreciation. For example:
- A team member who consistently delivers quality work might hear, “I see how much thought you put into this project.”
- A friend opening up about a challenge might feel heard when you say, “That sounds overwhelming. You’re handling it really well.”
While validation alone isn’t a substitute for feeling truly valued, it opens the door to creating stronger, more authentic connections.
Tips for Creating a Culture of Validation and Value
Whether in personal relationships or professional settings, here are some actionable steps to bridge the gap:
- Be Specific with Praise: Instead of saying, “Good job,” try, “Your attention to detail on that report really stood out.”
- Actively Listen: Show you’re engaged by making eye contact, nodding, or repeating key points to confirm understanding.
- Celebrate Contributions: Recognize milestones, no matter how small, to show appreciation for consistent effort.
- Create Feedback Loops: Regularly ask for input and provide constructive feedback that fosters growth and demonstrates investment in the person.
- Foster Equity: Ensure everyone has a seat at the table and their voices are equally heard.
How Do You Feel Valued?
Take a moment to reflect on your experiences:
- When was the last time you felt truly valued? What happened, and how did it make you feel?
- Have you ever felt unappreciated or undermined? What could have changed that experience?
Share your story below or write it in a journal. Let’s open the dialogue about what it means to feel validated and valued.
Validation acknowledges your presence, but appreciation celebrates your essence. Both are vital in building meaningful relationships and thriving workplaces. Let’s work together to ensure no one feels invisible in their personal or professional lives. Remember, you matter—and your contributions make a difference.
Cultivating a Culture of Value
Workplaces that foster a sense of value go beyond surface-level validation. Here are some strategies to create a more inclusive and appreciative environment:
- Consistent Recognition: Celebrate both big wins and everyday contributions.
- Active Listening: Truly hear people’s ideas, concerns, and aspirations without judgment or interruption.
- Equitable Opportunities: Ensure everyone has access to growth, resources, and platforms to shine.
- Feedback Loops: Provide regular, constructive feedback that helps people grow while affirming their worth.
One exercise we implemented in our DEI group is a “Gratitude Circle,” where team members take turns sharing something they appreciate about a colleague. It’s simple yet profoundly impactful.
How does your workplace foster appreciation? If it doesn’t, what changes would you like to see?
Closing Reflection: Appreciation Is a Two-Way Street
Feeling valued isn’t just about what others give to us—it’s also about what we bring to the table. Self-validation, clear communication about our needs, and the ability to recognize value in others are crucial.
Let’s create a ripple effect of appreciation. As you go about your day, take a moment to tell someone you value them—not for what they’ve done, but for who they are.
What’s one thing you can do today to make someone feel appreciated? Let’s start a chain reaction of gratitude and connection in the comments below.
Lets Interact: Help me, Help others, Help me
- Share a time when someone made you feel truly valued. What did they do, and how did it impact you?
- If you’ve ever struggled with feeling unappreciated, what could have made a difference?
Let’s use this space to reflect, share, and grow together. Remember: your voice matters, and you are valued.
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